You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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