just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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