In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
