Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
