My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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