It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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