I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You were trust falling into bushes
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
