he wants to bone in the snuggie
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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