Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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