did you get engaged???
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
