I just saw a hot homeless man
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
