i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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