i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
