The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
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why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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