im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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