Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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