i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
pray to the hookup gods
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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