Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We need a shit load of segways right now
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
