Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
