We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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