this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
