I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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