Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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