Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Drunk is not a location!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
