Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
