Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
