I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
