We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
