We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
my liver is dry heaving
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
