So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
