my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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