i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
