I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
