I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
They took my balls.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
