Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
