Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize