You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
