He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
