my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
