thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
