Me too!
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
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He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
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Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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