Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
