I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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