highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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