"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
