Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
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It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
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I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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