Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
