Plan B is the new Plan A
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
