glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
