Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
