we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
