I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
