He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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