i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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