am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
