And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
