We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Randomize
