don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I am mentally ready for anal.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
