Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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