I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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