I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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