i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
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It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
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You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize