Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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