you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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