and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
