i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
