I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
