now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
