'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i out mim tonsoeep
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
