She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
