all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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