Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
