on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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