Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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