the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
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