I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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