'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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